The first semester Son2 was clean was a little rocky. Everyone was new to the game, and we didn't always make good decisions. Son2 refused to go to NA or any support group other than his post rehab group. He thought he could do it alone, thought he could "handle it". He ended up flunking another class or two, but refused to drop out of college. His relationship with K was rocky too, and he was upset about that most of the time. He put that, school, and everything else before his Recovery. He made it through six months sober and celebrated that with a little get together at our house. H and I made some bad judgement calls too. At least one of his old buddies that he used with came to the party, MG. He was supposedly clean too, but the story I heard was that it was forced, he was under age and his parents spent thousands of dollars on private treatment that he didn't want to go to.
So, Son2 came home for the summer, started working and continued to try to make everything work. Things started to unravel. This is the hard part, I can't believe how stupid I was after everything that had already happened, to miss the signals. When I think back, they were like a red lights flashing at me. I can't hardly admit this, I think I didn't want to see.
Cash started disappearing again, but not in a real obvious way. Son2's mood started to change, he was very angry. There were fights with K, often. He talked about MG. MG started using again, Son2 was trying to counsel him. He got sick, and had to miss work. His boss made him get a doctor's note. He was kinda sick a lot. I knew he wasn't taking his meds. MG started coming around, but only to the driveway, he wouldn't come in the house. The final straw was when K found a bag of needles in Son2's car. She called me in tears. Son2 tried to convince us that it was MG's, but K was not buying the story. I wanted to believe him so bad but K would not. After a big confrontation via text messages, he finally admitted he was using. Deep down in my heart, I knew. DENIAL is very powerful and convincing. I remember sitting on the deck that summer with Son2 talking and he could barely stay awake. I knew he was high, but I wouldn't admit it to myself. After the confrontation, I asked him "do you want to get clean, or not?" I don't know what I would have done if he said no, but he said yes, so I said "ok, we start over," and we did. The lies, the betrayal, the stealing. I didn't know how I would ever rebuild that trust with him. I can't describe the feeling of betrayal by someone I love so much. I know many of you readers understand what that's like. I also know you've all been through many cycles of relapse and recovery. That makes me sad and very wary.
Son2 made a big decision that summer, to put his Recovery first in his life. He started back on his meds, started going to meetings, a lot of them. He started to be really engaged in the sessions. He took ownership of his Recovery and his life. He's been clean for over a year and seems to be doing well.
But it's never really over, is it?
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