Friday, February 8, 2013

Didn't see that coming...

Just when I think there are no more surprises, Son2 comes up with another one... keep reading, it's not what you think...

So he texted me a couple days ago and wanted to know if we were home from work, sounding like he wanted to talk.  In my mind, red alerts are going off, but I talked to him and he seemed fine, although a little mysterious.  At first I was afraid he was going to say he was using again, maybe some day that will NOT be the first thought in my head... Anyway, he wanted to get together so we could meet his new girlfriend.  Yeah, ok, we hadn't met her yet, he talks about her a lot, even though they've only been going out for about a month.

Last night, we meet for dinner, met his new girlfriend, C. She seems very nice, quiet, pretty, kind of artistic and "punk" like him.  We had dinner, talked, she is an assistant manager at a pizza restaurant, works a lot of hours, seems ok, from what I could tell.  So, then Son2 says they are engaged and they want to get married next year.

DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. I don't even know what to say, we just met her, I wish I knew her better, because I don't even know what to think.  We of course, gave our congratulations, lots of hugs and kisses and plans to meet family, etc.  

He seems happy, he seems sure. But I can't help but think of the other times he was head over heels in love, and then everything fell apart.  I do not want to see that again.  But, I will wipe that doubt off of my face, and be happy for them. He is older, wiser, and more mature. He is making this choice.

I wish them all of my best wishes and happiness.  And, I welcome her to our family with open arms. HIGH HOPES, that what I have.  And, remember, he is very happy.

Looks like I will have a new daughter-in-law! Very exciting!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Starting to feel better...

I haven't been blogging as often as I used to.  I try to keep up and read some of my favorites, but don't post often.  I guess I'm not sure what to write, not sure what my blog is about anymore.  This post, I guess is about me, not my son.

This winter has been tough on me. Today is cold, but at least it's sunny. I have had a low level virus of some kind since the holidays, and on top of that, I'm not happy at my job.  The stress weighs heavy on me, aches and pains, headaches, nausea on and off, lethargic.  ok, maybe I'm a little depressed.

You know it's easy to see what to do when it's someone else, things make so much more sense when you're looking from a distance.  I think I have finally decided what action to take.  I'm going to try to transfer to another department at work.  I've been in the same area for 15 years, and I'm burned out.  Time for a change.  Sounds simple, doesn't it?  But it took me a long time to get to that. Being miserable is comfortable in a weird way, it's a Known state.  Making a big change is Unknown, and that's scary.

BTW, I do believe that the addiction experience contributed to my burnout, even though the thick of it occurred a few years ago.

Another of my husband's friends passed away this past week. I'd already made up my mind, but thinking about that, really cemented my decision.  The guy was in his mid 60's, not yet retired, and wasn't really sick.  It was unexpected.  This is the 4th friend that my husband has lost in the past  year, all somewhere in their 60's.  All guys who didn't get to enjoy their retirement, enjoy their grandchildren,  even watch their children get married.

Life is too short and full of uncertainty. I do not want to spend the rest of my life unhappy. I don't want to dread going to work. I don't want my job to take over my life. I want to go home every night and leave work behind.  I want to enjoy hobbies, I want to take care of my body and my soul, and I want to enjoy my family.  You know what I really want?  I want to retire.  Kind of drastic though, maybe just a change first.

So, I'll make a change, go for it, right?  Take control of my life, can't rely on others to do that. Can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results, right?  Like I said, sounds so much easier when you're talking about someone else.