Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Catching up

Ok, it's been a while, and I just was trying to catch up on the blogs I usually follow.  I realize I've missed you guys... my fellow bloggers...

I've been busy... at work, and with more trips to Florida.  It was a lot of work, but we're glad we now have a vacation home!!  We are so happy with our new place and looking forward to a lot of future leisure time there.

Tony is doing very well I think.  The semester is well under way, and in spite of taking more credits than usual and working more than usual, he is doing better than usual.  In fact he had a couple of exams yesterday and said he did very well.  K says she'll believe it when she sees the grade... I don't blame her for that, he doesn't have a stellar track record.  But, he sounds good, he says he is doing well managing his time, and in spite of being super busy, doesn't sound that stressed.  He's tired, but in a normal, every day life, has too much to do way, not in a side effects from medication or drug use way.

Of course I worry and I am wary.  He's off Suboxone, and I keep thinking without that safety net, how much "life" can he take before that one more thing happens that pushes him over the edge.  He's pushing himself... that's unusual.  He's managing his time... that is also unusual... he's never been good at that.  He's been making his own decisions, despite our advice, the gun, and now a new kitten.  Both items he thought about for a long time before deciding.  Is it possible that... now that he is really healthy... he is starting to mature??  I know he is technically an adult, but I think he is actually starting to act like one.  I can only hope he continues down this path.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

My other son....

Just been catching up on blogs after a couple weeks off... This has been on my mind...

My older son is 25 now... He just bought a new car, with his own money, got the loan on his own, picked it out with his wife.  He's got a good job and a condo for him and his wife. We are still helping them pay for their first car (a wedding gift), but that will end within 6 months, and they will be completely independent financially.  Very proud of him.

I can't tell you how hard it is NOT to compare him to my younger son, Tony.  Even without addiction in the family, that's a difficult thing, not to compare children.  I've tried NOT to for the last 21 years.  They are each individuals, with their own personality, own path, own choices.

Tony was the youngest, always following his older brother, B.  He heard all about his brother, his successes with his grades, sports, etc.  B was charming, he was popular, a "good" kid. Tony was very young when we had to juggle our own kids and my husband's failing parents, through their passings.  Tony was entering high school, when B decided to marry at 19, so Tony had to listen to all the fuss over that for quite a while.  I was on a huge project at work during Tony's junior and senior year of high school.  All of these things distracted us as parents from him. He experimented with alcohol and drugs, pushed boundaries, tested limits, things that B never did.

All kinds of things run through my mind, excuses, reasons... still... even after all of these months working on my own recovery.

Compare my two sons?  Sure, I can't help it.  They are different, but you know... I kind of like that.  Each of them can be happy and successful in life in their own way.

This photo horrified me when I first saw it, Tony lighting B's birthday cake candle with his heroin tattoo in full view.  Yup, they are different alright!