Generations...

Two posts in one day!  Well, I can't help it if stuff is happening...

Son2:  well, you all know from previous posts what's been going on.  Hopefully he'll be successful with his new job.  He went to the doctor this week, and is continuing to wean off the Suboxone.

Dad:  just found out this morning he was having chest pains and he will have to have some sort of heart procedure (a catheterization?).  He has a history of heart problems, he had bypass surgery a two years ago.  Dr. said not to strain himself until they could get it set up.  Mom said she was giving me a heads up because someone will have to drive them around probably when it happens.  I imagine that will be pretty soon.

Grandma:  She's still hanging in there. Hospice has started coming in daily for about a week now.  I saw her last weekend, first time in maybe 6 months.  She has declined quite a bit.  She falls asleep a lot, in fact can't hardly stay awake to hold much of a conversation.  But, she did recognize me, called me by name and was very happy to see me.  I'm glad I went and made her smile.  I don't know how much longer she will be able to "know" people.  She's 97.

My job is going well, although I am very busy with the current project and it is taking every ounce of brain power I have when I am there to focus in and maintain progress.

I try not to worry about all of this... I guess I do worry, but at least I try not to let it take over.  What ever happens, I will just have to take it as it comes, as I have done so many times in the past.  Because that is what I do, that is what I HAVE to do...

Clueless...

My best friend is in her mid forties, never had kids, been divorced twice, and has had many failed relationships.  I'm going to call her Clueless... and although that is somewhat derogatory, I am very fond of her and we have been good friends for many years.  She has always been there for me.  She is generous and caring, to a fault...

She is a good gauge for me... It's interesting to see her reaction to things in my life... she always tries to help... which I appreciate, but really... I just need her to listen.

Yesterday, she again recommended that Son2 read this book called "Heroin Diaries" about some ex rocker who did drugs.  I do NOT want him to read that, and I don't think he would anyway.  I can't read that myself.  I can't seem to explain to her why.  Once in a while I watch that show "Intervention" and I really have a hard time with that.  Too painful... too close to home.

She is the kind of person who loves books.  Got a problem, read a book.  I love books too, but I'd like to think I'm not so naive to think that reading a self-help book will give me all the answers and solve everything.  Clueless has read many diet, self-help, how-to, and meaning-of-life books.  Each time, she makes a half-hearted attempt to follow whatever guru's advice for a short time, and then is on to the next thing.  She is content to isolate herself with her beloved pets (horse, dog, etc) and books and not deal with real people in the real world.

I can't make her understand what being a parent is, and what it means to me.  How hard-hearted I must seem to her when I say things like Son2's relationship with K is not my problem and I can't really do anything about it.  How can I explain to her that I can't solve a problem that is not mine to solve, and I can love someone more than anything, but that is not enough to "fix" them.

Having said all of that, I love her dearly.  I know I can count on her. She is one of the steady rocks in my life.

Thank you, Clueless.

Son2 got a job!

Without mohawk, Son2 went to apply for a job at a catering company and was successful!

So... with a crewcut, lip ring removed, long sleeved white shirt, black dress pants and shoes and a shave he will look like a regular guy with a job.

This will be a good thing, a good life lesson for him.  Good for him.

Pink Mohawk is gone

Son2 sent me a picture message today, of himself WITHOUT the pink mohawk.  And no pink, either.  I was a little surprised he got rid of it so quickly... but I am happy.

I'd like to think something so superficial does not mean anything to me, but I really am glad its gone.  I have to rejoice today... because I don't think I should be quite so happy about it when I see him tomorrow.

I'll see how he's taking it before I get too excited.  Last time he got rid of it (for a job), he actually cried... but I think that was when he was using.

I had a talk with K

I read a post from a fellow blogger recently about their addict son's life stress being preferable to drug stress.  What a timely post for me!

Son2 and K came for a visit for a couple days and I had a nice talk with K (Son2's finance).  Yes, they have been fighting lately... about what, I was very curious, even though it was really none of my business.  Well, it's really normal relationship stuff.  Of course this is maybe a little more intense given the history of drug abuse in their relationship... but really it's kind of normal stuff.  I think Son2's maturity was stifled, delayed if you will during his using days... so.... he is kind of behind in that department.

I think that if they give each other some room, have a lot of patience, and remain committed, they can work through this.  Good thing they have enough sense to have a long engagement.

K goes to Al Anon, has a sponsor and is working through the 12-step program.  She is also the daughter of an alcoholic.  Son2 goes to NA meetings, also works the 12 steps,  and continues to go to "after care" group once a week.  He has started seeing the drug counselor one on one once a week as well since some of this relationship stuff has come up recently.  They know what to do.  They are doing it.  They have support.  It's up to them now.  A lot of it is up to Son2.

On a side note, I suspect the mohawk will be gone soon.  Son2 is actively looking for a summer job, and the jobs he is looking at will require more of a "clean cut" appearance.  I think the lip ring will have to come out too.  He will come to this decision on his own... I will not influence.  I think I will not miss the stares he gets in public.  It always takes me a few seconds to realize they are not admiring his good looks, hey... that guy thinks my kid is a freak.  But, on the other hand, I might actually miss it a little... it makes him special and unique and an individual, a rebel, anti establishment.  ok, maybe I won't miss it.... but it will be a change though to get used to... we kinda have gotten used to him the way he is, you know?

Thanks to you all for your posts, it means a lot.  And in case you're wondering if it makes a difference... it does... to me.

Quick update...it's all about me

This post is about me... all about me...  Seems selfish, but I'm going to try.

I was offered and accepted the position at work, so I will be promoted next month.  YAY for me!  I already have been moved to a new bigger cubicle which is pretty sweet.

I am disappointed with the recent events here in my state of Wisconsin.  Lots of tension around here lately, and the protests get bigger and more elaborate. I did protest at the Capitol a couple of weeks ago along with about 75,000 others.

I decided to go on a diet, change my eating habits, try to self-improve and take better care of myself.  This has been going on about 3 weeks or so.  Guess what?  I feel better!

It is spring, and I love spring.  We had some nice warm days this week where, along with Daylight Savings Time, I was able to get outside after work, first to cross country ski one last time, and then to go for a nice walk.

I got my hair cut today... something about that always renews me.

So, I managed to get through this without mentioning one other person (ok, except the other protesters).  It's kind of a challenge to completely focus on yourself even if just for a few minutes.

Try it...