A couple of things have come up on other blogs that I wanted to write about...
Can an addict use "just a little" bit and maintain sobriety?
Personally, I don't think so. Either you are sober or you aren't. If you think you can still use while you are in recovery, you are just kidding yourself. As a parent, don't believe it.
Can being sober be "fun"?
Well, of course. That's easy to say now. I went through a time when Son2 was fairly new into recovery and I thought he had to be a saint. I didn't want him to go out, or do anything "fun" . After all, wasn't that how he got into trouble in the first place, trying to have too much fun? But after a while I did realize, with his help, he was still young, and still needed to live his life, making whatever mistakes he would make, experiencing joy and sadness, just like everyone else. He has started a punk band with his friends, goes out, and does a lot of stuff that other guys his age do. He is not a saint, but he is clean and sober as far as I know. It's possible. Do I like it? Well, I still worry the way he lives his life, the temptations, etc. But then, it's not my life, it's his.
I still think about being a "bad mother" back then, and now. It's hard not to feel responsible for my Son2's problems in some way. I've blogged about this more than once, and I still struggle with this. There was a few things that happened that I always will wonder about, if they had an influence on his choices. My husband's parents fell ill and passed away when Son2 was preschool age. Of course a lot of our focus was on them, and I always felt bad about that. When Son2 was about 14, his older brother decided to get married at 19. I was pretty upset that he was marrying so young, and again, much of my focus was on that situation. I did the best I could, I really think so. It looks a little different now that I look back after 3-4 years. Not so emotional as back then. I think all of us POA's have done the best we could, at the time, in the situation and circumstances we were in and what we knew at the time.
Son2 just told me that he talked to his advisor and he thinks he will graduate in the spring. OMG!