Saturday, March 26, 2011


My best friend is in her mid forties, never had kids, been divorced twice, and has had many failed relationships.  I'm going to call her Clueless... and although that is somewhat derogatory, I am very fond of her and we have been good friends for many years.  She has always been there for me.  She is generous and caring, to a fault...

She is a good gauge for me... It's interesting to see her reaction to things in my life... she always tries to help... which I appreciate, but really... I just need her to listen.

Yesterday, she again recommended that Son2 read this book called "Heroin Diaries" about some ex rocker who did drugs.  I do NOT want him to read that, and I don't think he would anyway.  I can't read that myself.  I can't seem to explain to her why.  Once in a while I watch that show "Intervention" and I really have a hard time with that.  Too painful... too close to home.

She is the kind of person who loves books.  Got a problem, read a book.  I love books too, but I'd like to think I'm not so naive to think that reading a self-help book will give me all the answers and solve everything.  Clueless has read many diet, self-help, how-to, and meaning-of-life books.  Each time, she makes a half-hearted attempt to follow whatever guru's advice for a short time, and then is on to the next thing.  She is content to isolate herself with her beloved pets (horse, dog, etc) and books and not deal with real people in the real world.

I can't make her understand what being a parent is, and what it means to me.  How hard-hearted I must seem to her when I say things like Son2's relationship with K is not my problem and I can't really do anything about it.  How can I explain to her that I can't solve a problem that is not mine to solve, and I can love someone more than anything, but that is not enough to "fix" them.

Having said all of that, I love her dearly.  I know I can count on her. She is one of the steady rocks in my life.

Thank you, Clueless.


  1. I read Heroin Diaries and it was AWFUL. Nikki Stix from Motley Crue is the author/addict. He kept a diary during his active addiction. He journalled every God-awful detail. I do not recommend you read this book, nor any addict in recovery.

    I would recommend you/he read Broken by Cope Moyers. EXCELLENT book...especially the end when he finds long term recovery.

  2. I read it too. I didn't think it was awful but it isn't something I would want my son to read. I like to read what addicts think so I found it interesting but very distrubing at the same time.

    He is also very active in helping addicts and has spoken in front of very influential people. He is trying to make a difference and I hope someone like him can do it but people like him have tried before and I don't know what success they have had.

    He really puts himself out there now. When my son was in rehab they had a few celebrities come and speak on guest night. B met a couple of really great people and a very famous actor that seemed at the moment to really get to my son. They spoke privately for a while and I thought that was so cool.

    But it didn't last. Then it just makes me continue to think it is really true that they don't get sober until they are ready.

  3. sensationalized for my with u ...

    parents and others who dont get it...there are many...
    walk a mile in the moccasins comes to mind... story is diff..I didnt read the Nikki Stix book..actually it took me forever to read "Beautiful Boy" ...felt like I was living it at that I didnt want to read it too..but hey that's me