Saturday, March 19, 2011

I had a talk with K

I read a post from a fellow blogger recently about their addict son's life stress being preferable to drug stress.  What a timely post for me!

Son2 and K came for a visit for a couple days and I had a nice talk with K (Son2's finance).  Yes, they have been fighting lately... about what, I was very curious, even though it was really none of my business.  Well, it's really normal relationship stuff.  Of course this is maybe a little more intense given the history of drug abuse in their relationship... but really it's kind of normal stuff.  I think Son2's maturity was stifled, delayed if you will during his using days... so.... he is kind of behind in that department.

I think that if they give each other some room, have a lot of patience, and remain committed, they can work through this.  Good thing they have enough sense to have a long engagement.

K goes to Al Anon, has a sponsor and is working through the 12-step program.  She is also the daughter of an alcoholic.  Son2 goes to NA meetings, also works the 12 steps,  and continues to go to "after care" group once a week.  He has started seeing the drug counselor one on one once a week as well since some of this relationship stuff has come up recently.  They know what to do.  They are doing it.  They have support.  It's up to them now.  A lot of it is up to Son2.

On a side note, I suspect the mohawk will be gone soon.  Son2 is actively looking for a summer job, and the jobs he is looking at will require more of a "clean cut" appearance.  I think the lip ring will have to come out too.  He will come to this decision on his own... I will not influence.  I think I will not miss the stares he gets in public.  It always takes me a few seconds to realize they are not admiring his good looks, hey... that guy thinks my kid is a freak.  But, on the other hand, I might actually miss it a little... it makes him special and unique and an individual, a rebel, anti establishment.  ok, maybe I won't miss it.... but it will be a change though to get used to... we kinda have gotten used to him the way he is, you know?

Thanks to you all for your posts, it means a lot.  And in case you're wondering if it makes a difference... it does... to me.


  1. Reading all the post mean so much to me too. I don't think it's a misery likes company type of thing. Truth is I think it is more like group therapy with the best therapists in the world that no amount of money could buy.

  2. Your son reminds me a lot of my son :) Mine had facial piercings and metal embedded in his arms. Now he "just" has 1 inch plugs in his ears which most people hate, but I have grown used to.

    I think K is fortunate to have you to talk to. It sounds like she and your son are having typical issues and hopefully they have both learned from AA how to communicate well.