Sunday, May 29, 2011

parental criticism...

My folks came to visit yesterday... nice and quiet visit, steak on the grill, lots of time to catch up, sit outside and relax.

Of course the subject came up of Son2. I told them how well I thought he was doing, and that his grades came out pretty good.  So, my dad had to say something... He said that if we cut him off from financial support for college, that would teach him to get good grades (or something like that).  Why does that man make me so darn defensive!?!  So, of course, he doesn't really get it, comes from a different generation, where threats were used often.  And, I know my husband and I are proud of Son2... he managed to succeed in college despite his struggles.  And, duh... I would NOT have continued to support that if he was still using, I am NOT (despite past history) a complete idiot.

I haven't told my parents much of anything about Son2 and K's relationship troubles.  They adore (as do I) K and have taken the stance that if anything happens between them, it would be all Son2's fault.  We had been talking about my nephew's recent engagement, and my dad doesn't think much of the kid, and never will give him the benefit of the doubt.  I myself have been critical of my nephew, because I was never sure how much he knew and didn't say about Son2's drug use.  But I don't know the facts, so I feel I must keep an open mind.  My dad is judgemental, it's black or white with him.

My dad couldn't even (has not yet) congratulate or tell me he was proud of me for getting the promotion.  All he could say was how come you have to work harder and not get any extra compensation.

Ok, so basically this post is about my dad and how he makes me feel.  I will never live up... neither will Son2. What can I do?  It's hard not to take all of it to heart.

1 comment:

  1. Families sure know how to push our buttons, don't they? I can relate to this (but in my case its my mom). Its not easy to let things go in through one ear and out the other, but I highly recommend it as the best approach :)
    They just don't get it. What you and your husband think and feel is what matters.