What we don't want to see

This past fall (before I started my blog) my husband and I did an anonymous tv interview as parents of an addict.  The gist of it was prescription drug use escalating to hard drugs, i.e. heroin.  So, we told our story, 3 minutes of it was broadcast and it was also posted on the station's website.  I was horrified by one of the comments on the website in response.  A woman had posted something to the effect of how she couldn't believe how stupid could parents be not to notice their kid was on drugs.  It felt like a cold slap in the face and it bothered me a lot for days, so much I couldn't concentrate at work.  A couple days later I ventured on the site again and was surprised to find that a number of people had come to our defense online.

I thought of that this week with the recent perceived attacks involving blogs I follow.  There are all kinds of content on these blogs, some we don't want to see, some make sense, some don't, some are good and some not so much.  It's overwhelming at first, that's for sure.  Yeah, some of it bothers me, a lot.  But, the thing is, it all gives me a lot to think about, and I appreciate all the different points of view, and the very different approaches and styles.

I hate to see anyone get offended, and I am surely one to avoid confrontation.  But I really hope this is a free exchange, free to speak, and free to ignore.  Take what you need, leave the rest...

A little drama this week

Son2 and K just realized this week that classes begin for second semester on Monday, a week earlier than they thought, so there was a little bit of scrambling around for them.  I just kind of chuckled, glad they had figured it out in time, and glad I turned that responsibility over to him.  It's a relief to know I don't have to keep track of when school starts, whether he signed up for classes in time, if he bought his books, and all the other details.  Hey, I already did all of that 30-some years ago for myself.

Son2 got a call this week saying he would be dropped from a few of his classes because he didn't have the necessary GPA.  He and K were pretty upset. I was sympathetic, but didn't step in to handle it, didn't offer to make any calls or anything.  Well, he did handle it, and I'm glad that he did.  He talked to advisors, counselors, and I don't know who all, and decided to apply to the SAC (Student Accessibility Center) to be categorized as disabled so he could get a little consideration.  He is looking for a little help with his GPA requirements, and also maybe some extended deadlines in course work.

I'm not sure I agree with this approach.  It feels like another excuse, a crutch.  But I keep thinking about the posts of all of you parent bloggers.  He has a disease.  I mean, if he can get a doctor to fill out the paperwork saying he is disabled, I should be able to accept the fact that he is.  I know he is, but it's still hard for me to process... I'm working on it.

So, he managed to avoid getting booted out of any classes for now, and the paperwork is in the works.  As I said, school starts Monday...

Our other little drama involved Son1, go figure...  He texted Friday to ask if we would be home (a bit unusual), and said he wanted to stop over and maybe stay over night (extremely unusual).  Turns out he had a big fight with his wife and needed some time away.  We didn't get many details, but he assured me everything was fine.  So, he stayed over, we had a nice visit, and then went to meet his wife for breakfast.  He texted he thinks they got things straightened out.  WHATEVER!  He's a grown up now, but they got married very young which is coming back to bite them now.  That's speculation on my part, since I don't know anything.  Anyway, they will figure it out... I guess.

Planning a trip

We got more snow last night.  Made for some messy driving, but I woke up to the sound of the snow plow this morning and looked outside to fairly clear skies.

My husband and I are planning a trip to Florida for next month. It will be our 25th anniversary trip.  It feels like a big milestone to me as a wife and also a parent.  We've had our share of rough times, but also a wealth of happiness.  Sometimes its hard to see the good in a situation, and tough to handle the challenges. Someone told me once (at work) when I was fussing and worrying over a project, to take one thing at a time, and really think through it.  What's the worst that could happen?  What would you do about it, really (besides worry)?  So, at work anyway, that helped to overcome a lot of apprehension.  At home, though, you can't always plan for everything. But having lived through some of the bad times, gives me more confidence going forward.  I can get through this.  And I still try to plan for everything.

Which leads me to my next point.  I could never have gone on a trip like this two years ago and leave Son2.  I think he will be ok though, and if he's not, then we'll (he will) have to deal with it.  So, I will go on our trip, celebrate our married life together and give myself a break.

Hoping for a lot of sunshine...

First post of the new year...

well, here goes...

I was in a text conversation yesterday with Son2, and he said he was feeling down because a friend was having a hard time and couldn't stay clean.  This is just one of many little curves he will have to figure out how to deal with without heroin.  Every time something, anything, comes along to challenge him, I worry if it will be the thing that triggers a relapse.  I know it's up to him and it's out of my control, and I hope he has the strength, the support and the tools to deal with whatever life throws at him.  But it's very difficult for me.  I can't just sit back and do nothing, I can't help feeling like I should do something, and what?

I managed to get to the point where I could turn Son1's own life over to him.  I'm hoping I can get there some day for Son2, although it seems so much more difficult because of his addiction.  What kind of mother am I? What kind of mother do I want to be?  What is my role to my kids now that they are adults?

Son2 has started weaning off his medication (Suboxone).  It will take another year probably to taper down to nothing.  That is something else I worry about.  He made the decision alone with his doctor, without even talking to us first, which I think is good.

So, that is what 2011 looks like for me.  I want to learn this year, how to deal with all of this.  "Let go...",   "Detach with love", the Serenity Prayer, Acceptance... etc, etc, etc.   How can I live all of these things and still provide parental support?  Still be "Mom"?   That's what I hope to figure out.