Today is Son2's 21st birthday. I am so very happy to see this day. He and K came to spend a couple of days so we were able to spend some time with them.
I always feel let down when he leaves, and a little apprehensive. I know I hover around them when they are here, I can't help it. I try to savor every minute, and I want to make sure I'm available to talk if either one of them feels the need. Am I ever going to back off of that, and relax when they are here? I don't know, maybe not.
K told me he's not doing very well in one of his classes. I'm very disappointed to hear that and a little angry. When is he going to buck up and stop using his addiction as an excuse for slacking off? Anyway, I was afraid I would say something I would regret and didn't want to ruin his birthday, so I decided to wait to talk to him about that. Am I ever going to stop walking tippy toe around him, afraid to "upset" him? I don't know about that either.
I read some advice in one of the blogs I follow, to grieve the child you used to hope for. It's sad, and I don't know if I can give up all of that. I'm still hoping he will finish college, get a job, get married, have kids, and be happy. Maybe I shouldn't look that far ahead.
It's kind of a blue day...
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