Monday, February 6, 2012

What now.... ?

Tony is doing ok, I guess.  His relationship with K seems on and off, truly, I don't know for sure what is going on right now.  She graduated, and will be going to grad school next fall.  What will happen between them I don't know, and have kind of stopped trying to figure it out.

Second semester is under way, he is taking a full class load and working weekends.  He's still going to meetings and working the steps.  He's done with his weekly After Care, so he doesn't come home Thursday nights anymore.  I kind of miss that. We went to see him a couple of weeks ago to take him out for dinner and see how he was doing.  The apartment was a pig stye but he seemed to be ok.  It was all I could do not to start cleaning, but even he said, I am not responsible for that.

As far as me, I don't know... I think I have the winter blues, or something.  Plus I am feeling a lot of pressure at work. I'm on a big project and am performing a pretty important role.  At least it feels important, and I am scared to screw up, thus the stress.  New role, new boss, big project, it adds up to tension headaches, not sleeping well, shoulder and neck pain.  Add on a few age related health issues, and I am not sitting in a very good place.

How much do you think addiction has changed you?  I mean has it changed the way you deal with life's difficulties?  Right now, my sons are ok.  Family is ok.  So, why can't I relax?  Why don't I feel better than this?


  1. Maybe you're having to get adjusted to life without the addiction drama/chaos. I've had to adjust to it not being in my house. It's good but was odd at first. I don't know, sometimes at first, better can seem unsettling.

  2. This hits home hard. How much had addiction changed me? A lot. I am not the serene, easy going, upbeat, positive woman I once once. I am plagued with fear, guilt, etc. It sucks.
    Some days are good, but the bad ones make me physically hurt.

    I wish I could give you a massage, I am pretty good at neck and shoulder since I get mine done often and have learned how to do it. If only I could do it to myself.

    Hang in there, I bet you are doing just fine on the project. Deep breaths help.

  3. Thank you both. I really feel like I shouldn't complain. Today my son is clean. He's not independent from us, but he's getting there.

    I guess we are all in different points in this journey, and experiencing different things. It's just that some days I feel like I will never be happy and content again.

    I need an attitude adjustment, I think. I have a hard time in winter. Maybe it's time for another trip to the sunshine state.

    Thanks again, for reaching out when you both are experiencing your own challenges, it's truly touching.