Tony is doing ok, I guess. His relationship with K seems on and off, truly, I don't know for sure what is going on right now. She graduated, and will be going to grad school next fall. What will happen between them I don't know, and have kind of stopped trying to figure it out.
Second semester is under way, he is taking a full class load and working weekends. He's still going to meetings and working the steps. He's done with his weekly After Care, so he doesn't come home Thursday nights anymore. I kind of miss that. We went to see him a couple of weeks ago to take him out for dinner and see how he was doing. The apartment was a pig stye but he seemed to be ok. It was all I could do not to start cleaning, but even he said, I am not responsible for that.
As far as me, I don't know... I think I have the winter blues, or something. Plus I am feeling a lot of pressure at work. I'm on a big project and am performing a pretty important role. At least it feels important, and I am scared to screw up, thus the stress. New role, new boss, big project, it adds up to tension headaches, not sleeping well, shoulder and neck pain. Add on a few age related health issues, and I am not sitting in a very good place.
How much do you think addiction has changed you? I mean has it changed the way you deal with life's difficulties? Right now, my sons are ok. Family is ok. So, why can't I relax? Why don't I feel better than this?
Maybe you're having to get adjusted to life without the addiction drama/chaos. I've had to adjust to it not being in my house. It's good but was odd at first. I don't know, sometimes at first, better can seem unsettling.
ReplyDeleteThis hits home hard. How much had addiction changed me? A lot. I am not the serene, easy going, upbeat, positive woman I once once. I am plagued with fear, guilt, etc. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteSome days are good, but the bad ones make me physically hurt.
I wish I could give you a massage, I am pretty good at neck and shoulder since I get mine done often and have learned how to do it. If only I could do it to myself.
Hang in there, I bet you are doing just fine on the project. Deep breaths help.
Thank you both. I really feel like I shouldn't complain. Today my son is clean. He's not independent from us, but he's getting there.
ReplyDeleteI guess we are all in different points in this journey, and experiencing different things. It's just that some days I feel like I will never be happy and content again.
I need an attitude adjustment, I think. I have a hard time in winter. Maybe it's time for another trip to the sunshine state.
Thanks again, for reaching out when you both are experiencing your own challenges, it's truly touching.