Sunday, February 12, 2012

It's just life...

I feel a little better.  Truly... I'm glad to have these kinds of issues.  Its just life, and I'm grateful that I have the luxury of complaining about myself.

Son2 is doing fine. I am back to calling him Son2. I have been re-thinking calling him by name in my blog, since Barbara brought it up.  I don't know, but I guess it would be prudent to go back to calling him Son2.

I mean, he went on local tv, on camera, and gave his first and last name and said he was a recovering heroin addict, and he knows I blog about him, and he's ok with that.

I used to keep the whole thing very secret.  I didn't want anyone to know, I felt like we, our whole family, were scum, and didn't want anyone to find out.  Drug addicts have such a bad rep, tv and celebs don't help.  I came to accept Son2 has a disease, but so many others don't see it that way.  I rejoice in his progress, I'm so proud of him for what he has done in recovery.  But even his own family members, I won't say who, look down on him.

After Son2 went on tv, I've talked about it with more people. A lot of people won't say anything, won't bring it up, ask how he's doing, or even ask how we're doing.  My own extended family and friends, act like nothing happened, and I don't believe that none of them saw the piece on tv.  Those that did talk to me about it after it aired, really touched my heart. So, I talk to people about it if they ask me about it, but I don't bring it up unless it comes up.

Should I be able to talk about this freely as if my Son2 had any other disease?  How he's doing, how the treatment is going, etc.  But it's not that easy... it's not the same, is it?

So, I guess on the blog, I will be a little more careful.  Anonymous, seems like a little bit of a cop out, though, you know what I mean?  I'm trying not to be ashamed, but that's something I still struggle with.  So, what do I call it?  shame?  call it being careful? call it protecting our family's privacy?

This is kind of a rambling post... but I'm really struggling with this idea.


  1. I know exactly what you mean. No one asks about my son either. It makes for awkward interactions when I run into old friends. I keep my identity fairly secret on my blog. I would not want those people in my life who appear to not give a flying leap about my son to just be lookie-loos into my hell. I don't want them to know about my blog, but if they stumble upon it, they will not know they are reading about me and my son.
    I like it like that.

  2. The silence surrounding addiction only serves to keep you trapped in an emotional cesspool. Been there, done that! I had a heroin addict, who has since recovered. Please don't struggle in silence. Addiction is the same as cancer, or any other disease that is treatable through therapy, rehab or any other means. Check out this story. I will not be silent. Best wishes to you in living through this tumultuous journey.

  3. ok,well on this blog im the addict and i promise you its just as hard for us, maybe even harder but i suppose its something neither of us will ever know