But, I feel guilty. H, my husband, is not happy about this. He is very worried about our finances. Not only does he think I need to work for a few more years, but he thinks I need to continue to make the kind of money I was making.
Well, the truth is, I don't know what I want to do. But, I do know what I don't want to do. I don't want to go back to the kind of job I had. I am afraid that the kind of things I'm good at, are the very things I don't want to do, the stuff that burned me out. Somehow, I have to figure out how to turn my skills into something I will enjoy doing, when all I am is tired of it all. I need some time to think, which is what I'm trying to do this week. Self evaluation, examination, quiet time, and rest, you know? But, I'm feeling a lot of pressure right now from H.
Some of the things that I am thinking about are these
- I don't really enjoy any hobbies anymore
- It feels like H has been driving my life. For example, our social life is mostly about him, his friends, his hobbies. Lucky I like many of the same things he does, right?
- My only friends are from my job, yeah, the job I just quit
- I am pretty wishy washy. It's easier to let H be the driver, than to drive myself
- What does all of this have to do with my son's addiction? Contributed to the burn out, yes. Also, since he is doing well and standing on his own two feet, I don't have to focus so much on him. It's been 5 years since he announced his addiction, time to move on, I guess.
- I think H is drinking too much. There, I said it. That will be the subject of a post in the very near future.
I know I have options: working part time, finding a more meaningful job, etc, etc, etc. There are always options. Just have to figure out what all they are.