Sunday, February 3, 2013

Starting to feel better...

I haven't been blogging as often as I used to.  I try to keep up and read some of my favorites, but don't post often.  I guess I'm not sure what to write, not sure what my blog is about anymore.  This post, I guess is about me, not my son.

This winter has been tough on me. Today is cold, but at least it's sunny. I have had a low level virus of some kind since the holidays, and on top of that, I'm not happy at my job.  The stress weighs heavy on me, aches and pains, headaches, nausea on and off, lethargic.  ok, maybe I'm a little depressed.

You know it's easy to see what to do when it's someone else, things make so much more sense when you're looking from a distance.  I think I have finally decided what action to take.  I'm going to try to transfer to another department at work.  I've been in the same area for 15 years, and I'm burned out.  Time for a change.  Sounds simple, doesn't it?  But it took me a long time to get to that. Being miserable is comfortable in a weird way, it's a Known state.  Making a big change is Unknown, and that's scary.

BTW, I do believe that the addiction experience contributed to my burnout, even though the thick of it occurred a few years ago.

Another of my husband's friends passed away this past week. I'd already made up my mind, but thinking about that, really cemented my decision.  The guy was in his mid 60's, not yet retired, and wasn't really sick.  It was unexpected.  This is the 4th friend that my husband has lost in the past  year, all somewhere in their 60's.  All guys who didn't get to enjoy their retirement, enjoy their grandchildren,  even watch their children get married.

Life is too short and full of uncertainty. I do not want to spend the rest of my life unhappy. I don't want to dread going to work. I don't want my job to take over my life. I want to go home every night and leave work behind.  I want to enjoy hobbies, I want to take care of my body and my soul, and I want to enjoy my family.  You know what I really want?  I want to retire.  Kind of drastic though, maybe just a change first.

So, I'll make a change, go for it, right?  Take control of my life, can't rely on others to do that. Can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results, right?  Like I said, sounds so much easier when you're talking about someone else.

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