Sunday, December 11, 2011

My son is 22 today...

Today is Tony's birthday, he is 22.  We saw him yesterday and took him his gifts.  He looks good, I guess. Different though.  He was quiet.  It's the end of the semester and he really has to focus for another couple of weeks, then he can relax.  We also got to see K.  She went out to lunch with us.  I felt uncomfortable, it seemed awkward... didn't seem right to me.  But, we let them lead the way, if they want to continue to be room mates, they will have to get along, and they seem to be.  K was animated, excited about graduation (she will graduate with honors next week), and catching us up on all her news.  She even engaged Tony in the conversation and it turned out to be a very nice visit.  They were acting like good friends and room mates, not estranged lovers.  If what we saw yesterday was really true, they have been one of the only couples I have ever known that could really go from being in a deeply involved relationship, to "just friends".  She gave Tony a birthday present, and we are exchanging Christmas gifts with her and will include her in our holiday.  Both of them are going to celebrate New Year's with us in Florida.   We made sure it was ok with Tony, and were surprised when she accepted the invitation.

So, I don't know for sure what is going on between them... it's none of my business, really.  But I can speculate that neither one of them wants the other one out of their life.  They've been through a lot together, and it's been quite a journey.  They are tied to each other.  I hope they will maintain this connection always, but of course I have a personal relationship with both of them, so that's selfish on my part.

Where it gets weirder, is that Tony is interested in another girl and K knows it.  I don't know very much about it except that he met her at work.  I think he is trying to date her, but not sure he is being successful.  I have no idea if she knows he's a recovering addict.  I haven't had a chance to ask him about her, and frankly, I'm still dealing with the break up and I'm not ready for this.

So, it continues to be a challenge to be Tony's mom.  I have a few friends and acquaintances that are expecting and often those of us with older kids give advice.  I don't even know what to say anymore, except kids will surprise you, and you can't plan out their lives, because they have their own minds.  And you certainly can't control who they will love.  Love your kids, and make sure they know it.

BTW, Tony started up step work again.  I think he is on Step 5 now... "Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

And also,  the high school principal got in touch with us. He had seen Tony's piece on tv and wanted to  get in touch with him about coming and talking to a small group of students. Tony said he was interested but I don't know if they have arranged it yet.  This will be hard for him.  He doesn't have good memories of that place, but this could be a real opportunity to make a difference.  At risk kids are a tough crowd, but it seems like someone who has been in their shoes may be able to get through.  Ron: I would love to hear your thoughts...


  1. Happy Birthday, Tony! There was a lot more positive in this post than negative. Its hard to not worry about the choices they make, etc. but you're doing a job. Its complicated to be anyone's mom but ten times more complicated when it comes to an addict. Happy 22nd Giving Birth Day to you!

  2. Happy 22nd Birthday to Tony!
    It is so hard with their girlfriends. We open our hearts and learn to love them until our sons decide it is time to move on. I'm glad to hear the two of them have learned how to have an adult relationship without all the drama. Priceless.