Saturday, December 3, 2011


It's Saturday... I don't have to work, it's rainy, cold, chance of snow later, I have things to do, but I don't want to get out of bed.

Another craft sale, christmas shopping, holiday party... I am just not in the mood.  I am boycotting my favorite oldies radio station because they started playing christmas music a month ago. It's dark when I get up in the morning and dark when I drive home from work.    So many ads to buy buy buy... stuff we don't need and can't afford.

Yup, it's depressing. That's early December for ya.

Tony seems to be pulling away... I guess he's really busy, getting towards the end of the semester, projects due, exams, plus he's trying to work every weekend.  I don't know what's going on with K, he says they haven't had time to talk.

So, it's been three years... and he is acting independent... finally.  I guess.  Not coming home as much, not texting as often, not quite as talkative when he's home.  I gotta tell you, it feels weird, uncomfortable.  Three years of intensity surrounding him, it's hard to let go of that.  It gave me purpose, you know?  I know in my head that this is what we strive for as parents, for our little birds to fly solo, but it feels funny to not be needed so much.  Not to be included in every detail of his life anymore. Yeah, it hurts a little.

It's hard to admit that...  I get accused (behind my back they think) of being an overly involved and overly protective parent.  Guilty, I guess.  I've seen worse.  I'd like to think I know when to back off.  And maybe now is the time for Tony.  He has a birthday coming up in a couple weeks, he will be 22.

So, interestingly enough... we have seen my older son and his wife twice this week.  That's nice. We have a much different relationship, more mature.  They only live 20 minutes away but we go sometimes a couple weeks without connecting.  They have their own lives.

ok, on to the shopping season...



  1. I can relate to the feeling of not being as involved, its a good thing, but unfamiliar. My K is also a December b-day, he'll be 21 on the 7th.

    I'm not even trying to get in the holiday spirit this year (fourth Christmas in a row I've felt this way)

  2. I truly understand your feelings...I too, am trying to find my new 'purpose' in life now that my son has 'flown out of the nest'. It's hard, and lonely, and one feels a sense of
    'ingratitude' at times for all we, as mothers have done, or sacrificed. Even so, we wouldn't have changed a thing...we still would have cared and invested as much. Like us, our adult children won't 'get it' until they, too, become parents.
    Shelley in SK