Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Uneasy feeling

Well, I feel stupid now after that I feel lucky post.  Son2 had a fight with K at 5am yesterday.  Guess he had been up all night working on a school project, and then ended up having the fight.  He won't say what it was about or what's going on to me or to his dad.  He sounded funny on the phone last night.  Didn't give me any details today either via text, and didn't answer when I tried to call.  He did say he thinks things are alright. K hasn't answered my text either asking how she was doing.  Something is going on and I don't know what.  I think they don't want to say because we are leaving for our trip tomorrow night.

As you all know, this is the kind of thing that could trigger a relapse, I'm not going to kid myself about that.  I even went online and did a little snooping at his bank account to see if it looked like his spending had changed (don't think so).

I know I should stay out of it...I tried to do that today, I really did.  He can handle this, whatever it is, but will he?  I just want him to tell me everything is ok, he stayed sober, they are still engaged, and they got through it.  I wish I could talk to him face to face, but I don't think that will be possible until we get back from our trip.

So, I feel like I'm on alert.  I know I should relax, let go and hop on the plane.  It's his problem to solve.  I know that's what I need to do, but I will probably try to talk to him again tomorrow and see if I can get any reassurances... isn't that a rather selfish thing?  I really don't want to worry about this on our trip.

Hope I'm getting all worked up for nothing...


  1. I used to do this same thing. It was almost like my son telling me he was okay gave me the fix I needed. His addiction was my drug of choice...and like an addict, I needed it, but hated it at the same time. The problem with this tactic is, if he is using he will your "fix" will be very limited and false. Listen to what you know to be true. This is your son's fight. Live your life and enjoy your vacation.

  2. Thanks, Lori. I know you are right.

  3. Dialing for Pain? How many times have I heard that in meetings. You can call him, you can check his bank account and all you will have is more information that will either be the truth of the situation or not. You won't always know and it won't always be what you want or need to hear. My sponsor use to say to me, "maybe he will" or then again, "maybe he won't". I just didn't get it. Now I do. It means get on with your life. Whatever he does is his deal, not yours. You can only control your life. If you have an opportunity to get away from the insanity of addiction take it. BE FREE!!!!!! Enjoy!!! Detach a bit maybe not so much contact is a good thing for you right now.

  4. Hop on that plane and let go of everything at home....enjoy yourself! No matter if you are home or on vacation - anything and everything your son does is out of your control. He has almost 18 months, if he loses that you can deal with it later, but projecting what could happen is robbing you of your NOW. Don't let your own life slip away by worrying about his. Have FUN!!!

  5. Thinking about you and wondering how things went...

  6. Thanks everyone! I took your advice and had a wonderful time on vacation. I can say that I really put everything at home aside, I heard from the kids, but mainly to talk about the weather (comparing wonderful FL sunshine with freezing Wisconsin). Didn't think about work once!

    It was the best vacation, focused on our relationship, and thoroughly relaxed.

    Just getting back to catching up on blogs... wasn't ready for it for a few days after we got back.