Friday, April 8, 2011

Something is going on with K...

Son2 made his weekly trip home last night for Group.  He talked a lot about how frustrated he is with how things are going with K.  He is angry, and doesn't think he is being treated very well.

I'm not sure, but I suspect K wants her old life back.  She says she is trying to re-establish friendships that she has let flounder during the last couple of years she has been with Son2.  She misses her old friends, and  wants to spend time with them.  Yes, she has started partying again.  I'm not sure how much, but she is drinking.  So... she's been spending a lot of time with friends, and excluding Son2.

Son2 is a bit of a loner.  He needs to have his own friends.  Needs to make new friends.  He needs to have some kind of a life apart from her.  I suspect that's maybe what she is trying to pursue... but Son2 is having a hard time, and he's pretty upset with her.  I don't know if they can overcome this.

Yes, I know it is their problem to solve, it's really between them to figure this out.  But, I can't help but feel bad.  I adore her, I love her like the daughter I never had.  She is a wonderful person and has so many endearing qualities.  I just don't know what she is thinking, and I am so afraid she wants out.  It's personal for me.  Of course, there is that underlying fear of how will Son2 react if they break up.  You all know what I'm thinking...

Why did she do it?  Why did she even start to date him more than two years ago when she knew he was using heroin?  Why did she stay with him when he relapsed?  Why didn't she dump him when she had so many opportunities in the past?  Why now, when he has made so much good progress, does she well..., change?   Hmmmmmm.... this girl is a complex cookie.


  1. Oh my we are in the same boat. I wish gf would be back with B probably I miss her more than he does. But then I know what she has gone through because of his addiction. She is only 21 and it was too much for her to deal with.

    What I hate is you are right, this isn't for us to solve but boy is that hard! Hugs.

  2. Maybe she just wanted to see him back on his feet before she bailed. She could just be a rescuer. I will never understand those women who go after bad boys, but there are more than I care to know about.
    He will survive this with your support. As someone who is married for over 22 years, I believe if you aren't over the moon happy the first few years of your relationship you need to get out. Things only get more difficult as years go by.

  3. I agree with both Tori and notmyboy about marriage. I've been married for over 30 yr.s, and yes, that's what level it needs to be when you begin, or it won't opinion.

    Maybe, if she's not an addict, it's got too hard for her to deal with the totally sober lifestyle. I think that within a college setting can be a huge challenge, especially for someone who actually doesn't need to be totally sober, as I'm understanding is the case for the girlfriend.

    but I also really understand about you not wanting to see her go, when you care about her so much and she's been good for your son, and you don't want to see him hurt. I just went through this with our oldest son, who isn't an addict, when his girlfriend split up with him. I'd thought they would eventually get married, it was very serious. I kind of felt like I was going through a break up too. I see her now on facebook with her new boyfriend and I don't like seeing the photos. It's all SO much harder though when your son is an addict and you worry how he'll react to it.

    But my son's fine now, and it just must not have been meant to be.

    Hang in there....this isn't easy.

  4. Dang, I wrote a long comment and it got eaten!

    This is my experience, not saying this is K at all, but I immediately saw myself in her:

    When I was in my teens/20's I was always drawn to addicts/alcoholics. It was my pattern. And if the guy got clean/sober, the dynamic of the relationship changed and I would leave. Classic co-dependency. Very unhealthy.

    Often the parents of my bf's felt the way you do and believe it or not I am still in touch with some (dated their son from 16 - 20).

    I hope this is not the case, for K's sake as well as Son2, because its a horrible pattern and I didn't recognize it till it was too late (I was pregnant by an alcoholic at age 29 and left him and had Keven on my own).

    I only share this cause I care and maybe it will shed some insight but I hope I am wrong!

  5. Hmmm...funny i just wrote a similar post.