Time for a change

I did something radical.  I quit my job, I took early retirement.  Too much pressure, and I was just plain burned out.  With both sons out of the house, out of college and married, seemed like a good time.  It was time... it was time...

But, I feel guilty.  H, my husband, is not happy about this.  He is very worried about our finances.  Not only does he think I need to work for a few more years, but he thinks I need to continue to make the kind of money I was making.

Well, the truth is, I don't know what I want to do.  But, I do know what I don't want to do.  I don't want to go back to the kind of job I had.  I am afraid that the kind of things I'm good at, are the very things I don't want to do, the stuff that burned me out.  Somehow, I have to figure out how to turn my skills into something I will enjoy doing, when all I am is tired of it all.  I need some time to think, which is what I'm trying to do this week.  Self evaluation, examination, quiet time, and rest, you know?   But, I'm feeling a lot of pressure right now from H.

Some of the things that I am thinking about are these

• I don't really enjoy any hobbies anymore
• It feels like H has been driving my life.  For example, our social life is mostly about him, his friends, his hobbies.  Lucky I like many of the same things he does, right?
• My only friends are from my job, yeah, the job I just quit
• I am pretty wishy washy.  It's easier to let H be the driver, than to drive myself
• What does all of this have to do with my son's addiction?  Contributed to the burn out, yes.  Also, since he is doing well and standing on his own two feet, I don't have to focus so much on him.  It's been 5 years since he announced his addiction, time to move on, I guess.
• I think H is drinking too much.  There, I said it.  That will be the subject of a post in the very near future.

I know I have options:  working part time, finding a more meaningful job, etc,  etc, etc.  There are always options.  Just have to figure out what all they are.

A Joyful Day

Son2 is now a married man.  It was an amazing day, a day of joy for them and for our family and friends.

Son2 and his bride, C

I am so thankful, for all he has overcome, to see him so happy, and for a wonderful new addition to our family.

summer news

We have a wedding coming up very soon!  About a month ago, Son2 said they were changing the date of the wedding, and wanted to get married this August, at our house.  It is supposed to be very small and very casual.  So, now it is two weeks away, and although it is small, there are still of things to arrange.  I am helping as much as I can, and although it is stressful, it is fun and exciting. It will be very non-traditional, and Son2 says the mohawk is coming back for the occasion.  The bride and groom will be all decked out in full punk attire.  My husband and I will be getting in the spirit by getting temporary tattoos.

We spent the 4th of July holiday at our place in Florida. It was hot of course, but fun and a nice little getaway.  My sister-in-law, M from California, met us there for a visit. Hadn't seen her for three years, and although Son2 had told her about his addiction back then, I don't know what he told her exactly, and H and I didn't talk to her in great detail about it back then.  Anyway, we were having a nice visit, catching up on our lives, etc. H mentioned some hobby that he kind of lost interest in, around the time of active addiction, and how difficult those times had been.  M's reaction bothered me.  She said that was over, and isn't everything ok now?  Good for H, he told her that we would never "get over" that.  

Interesting, isn't it?  For all the moving forward our family has done, that episode of our lives still lingers.  Son2 has come such a long way, treatment, counseling, graduating from college, and now getting married.  But, if anyone thinks we can forget what happened, they are nuts. We are all different people now.  Growing in different directions than we were before.

Last week we had to put our little weiner dog down.  She was very sick, 12 years old, had a good life.  It was surprising to me how sad that made me.  The house is not the same without her.

So that's my summer. I'm very excited about the wedding. It's going to be great!

Sharing the milestone

A couple of weeks ago, Son2 graduated from college.  He achieved a BFA in the Peck School of the Arts from UW-Milwaukee.  That Saturday we attended the Senior Art Show and then the PSOA Convocation.  Then Sunday we hosted a party at our house.

I didn't share this right away, I guess I wanted to hold on and savor this as long as possible.

That's Son2 below, far left. Next to him, his NA sponsor, and two of his sponsee brothers, and the baby daughter of blue shirt.

And this is his senior capstone project from the show.  It is a collection of prints that reflect his journey over the last few years, through addiction, recovery and artistic growth.  He gave us a copy, a gift to us for graduation.

Life moves on.  We spent a few days in Florida, Son2 is looking for a full time job, summer is here, busy at work.

This is Mother's Day

On this Mother's Day I have something to say to families struggling with Addiction:

My son is graduating from college.  His first semester in college, he dove deep into heroin addiction.  It was a horrible experience, and I won't go into all the details now.  Five years of college, and he pulled himself together and is now graduating.

I'm not saying this to brag, to throw this in your face, or make any of you feel bad.  I'm tell you this, to let you know there is hope.  Everyone has a different story, every one of us has felt pain, and many continue to struggle.  So, I'm not going to blab on and on about how life is grand.

Just know, there is hope.  Don't give up.

And to all you mothers... Happy Mother's Day.  Your kids love you.

it's finally spring

I am pleased that spring has finally come to Wisconsin.

I am so excited to say that Son2 is graduating from college in a couple of weeks!

I don't know what the future will bring for him. I don't want to look back at all the crap that happened, I just want to enjoy this.  I don't want to think about other "stuff" going on in my life right now, I just want to be happy.

Congratulations to my son.  I am so proud of him.

Where I want to be...

This is where I want to be... Florida.  

But where I am is Wisconsin, big snowstorm yesterday, roads were a mess, a foot of snow in the driveway when we got home from work, and now today, piles as tall as me along the side....

I am really sick of winter. I think a lot of us are here.  

A couple more weeks and my husband I will be down in Florida for vacation.  I can hardly wait. 

On a side note, we saw Son2 and his fiance at my cousin's wedding last weekend.  It was nice to see her again, starting to get to know her. It's good.